Coming to terms with the fact that I was the major provider for our family was not the easiest thing I’ve ever done. Far from it, for sure.
Where I come from…
Mommies work. Daddies work longer and harder.
Mommies cook. Daddies eat.
Mommies clean. Daddies tinker and smoke pipes.
Mommies take care of the kids. Daddies discipline.
Mommies shop. Daddies pay bills.
Mommies serve men. Men work hard for women.
Women wait for men. Men take on the world.
At least that’s what I thought growing up. Funny how we perceive things as kids.
I left a college prep school to attend Lehigh University (the 15th best school in the nation at the time), on a mission – to get my MRS. High-rollin’, wife of a brain surgeon, suburban driving, east-coast living degree.
As fate would have it, I ended up back in Kansas where Jayhawks, basketball and hippies rule the Earth. I met the love of my life – I saw him and within seconds a thought hit me – “You’re going to marry this man.” And I sure did. And it sure wasn’t for money. Fast forward seven years later and old beliefs are hard to kill. (Maybe I should re-think that statement…)
I’ve heard other, perhaps stronger women, say things like, “Oh, I want to retire my husband. That’s my goal.”
Huh?
“I don’t understand why you have issues with this Monaica. Don’t you think more of yourself?”
Of course I do.
I just had an idea of how life was “supposed” to be, and coming to terms with the fact that my idea wasn’t my reality – my Divine Purpose – that I was meant for something different – and perhaps greater than luncheons, stroller groups, and chatting with 4 girlfriends in two-sessions every day (okay, I’m stereotyping, so just ignore me) just wasn’t easy.
I don’t believe either way is right or wrong, but as I tried to fit this curvy girl into one of those edgy square frames and demand that I make a choice – either set this world on fire or stay-at-home and raise kids and be a wife, I started to die a little bit on the inside.
I consulted with “professionals” that said I couldn’t serve two masters. Realleeeeeeyyyyy? I think its bologna. (Yes, I did just say bologna.)
I made a decision – I’m going to do both. I’m going to set this world on fire, be wildly successful – as a mother, a “house-wife,” and stubborn-as-hell, butt-kickin’, world changing woman entrepreneur. I know the odds are against me, but I kinda like “stickin-it-to-the-man” every once in awhile.
I believe I can keep my femininity and grow my empire – without losing my mind, maintaining balance and having time to do it all. I don’t buy BALANCE tips. My serenity is directly porporational to my level of acceptance in life.
As I’ve accepted my role as the main provider for my family and began to embrace it, I’ve gained more momentum in my business and family life. And I believe it can be done without stripping my partner of his manhood and achievements.
So for all you Mommy Breadwinners out there tonight – feeling your heart being tugged in two different directions – don’t choose. Rock both.
