Men love sex. Men need sex. It’s primal. And when asked, most men rank sex as one of their top three needs.
And us women know men love and need sex. We have been informed thank you very much.
But something I think few men truly understand (and that women aren’t quick to admit to men) is that women also love and need sex. Especially high-achieving women.
[bctt tweet=”Women also love and need sex. Especially high-achieving women.”]
For a high-achieving woman, sex is almost always a top three need, if not among the top two. We don’t want to have sex once a week. Several times a week is a bare minimum.
Of course we want to be swept off our feet, warmed up and have sex for longer than five minutes. And sometimes we want passionate, super sweaty, fast sex.
A high-achieving woman knows what she wants and it extends far beyond the office. She’s aggressive about her goals, is typically under a fair amount of stress, has more responsibility than most men (family + biz) and needs a better outlet than cycling and yoga.
She wants to feel close to her lover. She wants to feel cared for, touched, and made to feel like a Goddess. She longs for the vulnerability, she fantasizes about doing it with the lights on. Sometimes she wants it more than once in a single day. On top, on bottom, all over and every which way-at least once anyway.
You haven’t admitted to yourself (let alone to Him) that you have a high sex need.
Most women don’t easily utter the words “I need sex” to their partners, let alone themselves. Why? It’s a perfectly normal human need–a beautiful experience. If you’re in a committed relationship, why not talk about what you need? This level of vulnerability is so incredibly freeing and brings you ever so close to your love. It all starts, of course, by admitting it to yourself and ditching old ideas that because you’re a woman you can’t or shouldn’t talk about what you need sexually.
You’re not talking enough.
Ladies, if you’re feeling deprived in the sex department, you’re going to have to speak up. We teach men how to treat us. How can you complain to your girlfriends about what you’re not getting when you’re not even properly communicating with your man? Don’t be a complainer. Communicate in a fun, sexy way. Give these high-sex need men a fighting chance. They’ll reciprocate if they know what you want because they are naturally inclined to please women they love.
You’re not asking the right questions.
There may come a point where he can’t do it. Maybe it’s physical, stress or mental. There could be a very scientific reason that extends beyond “Well he’s fifty now…” Men should have a healthy sex drive for a long time (often into their seventies and beyond), as long as he has the proper nutrition that keeps his testosterone you love so much in balance. If impetus is a problem, perhaps it’s time to see a Functional Medicine Doctor instead of getting a quick scrip for Viagra. Depression can also be caused by hormonal imbalances and lack of proper nutrition. Even sugar will kill your sex drive. Research men and hormones or male nutrition and hormones and make sure he’s getting all of the nutrients to stay in balance. It may be a quicker fix that you think and not permanent.
You need to stop waiting until you’re in the mood.
There are only two reasons people don’t have sex–he doesn’t want to or she doesn’t want to. If there’s a physical reason you can’t (infection, mood, medication, etc.), the desire is usually lacking too. Where’s your head when he’s ready to go? The to-do list, unfiled inbox, unfolded laundry and shopping list can wait. Women can indeed “get” in the mood by making a decision. Let him warm you up with an incredible back rub…meet him in the middle. I’ve never regretted sex with my husband after the fact. And the truth is, since you’re a high-achieving mommy, time with your lover is limited. Sometimes you have to make a decision for it to be a priority. It’s also our responsibility as partners to be in tune to his top needs. If sex is one of them, meet it. I’m sure he doesn’t always want to help with the dishes or laundry. If you’re in a marriage and you don’t both make an effort to meet each other’s needs the marriage is bound for serious trouble.
Sex always can help start to repair a strained relationship because it forces closeness. My husband and I are super busy. We both run businesses. A few years back we were at each other’s throats constantly but we also had not been spending much time together. We put ourselves on a “Sex for 7 Days” routine and it helped us reconnect, become closer and happier. We realized how critical regular sex was in order to have a satisfying marriage.
You’re not communicating the specifics of what and how you want it.
I remember when I told my husband I was okay with him waking me up if I was already asleep since I typically go to bed before him. He said, “Really?” I replied, “Absolutely. We have kids.” He was shocked. Are you ready for something new and more exciting? Ready to explore, experiment or just do things differently? There’s nothing wrong with spicing it up and since you don’t have a problem speaking up in your business, you already know how to speak up. Tell him in the moment what you like and don’t. Teach him how to pleasure you. This is one of the most intimate things you will do and it’s something only you two will know about one another.
You don’t know how amazing your orgasms can be.
One book that completely changed our sex life was was Slow Sex:The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm.
The focus of the book is in pleasuring the woman first for an extended period of time and helping her reach a meditative orgasmic state before orgasing. Read it together and practice the techniques they recommend. It should be required reading for every couple!
You don’t make yourself feel sexy.
Some of us let ourselves go after having kids. I did. Big time. I stopped wearing makeup, except in very rare necessary gatherings like weddings, for about eight years. My husband isn’t all that into makeup, but even just a tiny bit makes ME feel more beautiful and confident. It’s the same affect a measly five pound weight loss makes me feel even when I have twenty more to go. Go through your closet, ditch the frump that doesn’t bring you joy and wear only clothes you love and feel good in. Make yourself look sexy and you’ll feel more sexy. Bring back the flirt. Don’t leave the house with kissing. It might feel like work now but it will become more natural. It takes work to be in a good relationship and have an excellent sex life.
You can’t make him be a certain way, but you can do your part to become a better, more empowered lover.
[bctt tweet=”You can’t make him be a certain way, but you can become a more empowered lover.”]
Most women underestimate how much power they have in a relationship. When you change the dance you’re in with your lover, the dance changes.
Want more? Still feeling stuck on how to talk to your man about sex? Get our FREE guide “16 Conversations to Have With Your Lover About Sex” by clicking below…